Another Sleepless Night
by quillofthoth
Summary: Ruby reflects on her life with Sam and her life before. Pre Season 4.


"You're beautiful, Ruby." It caught her off guard when he said it, lying in bed next to her. They rarely acknowledged what they were doing, and they certainly didn't try to label it or pretend they were in love.

She smirked at him and shook her head, "It's just a meat suit, Sam."

_She hadn't been beautiful, but she was told she was lovely. A sweet girl. That she would make a fine bride. She was married at thirteen, only a few months after she became a woman, to a man who was twenty five. He didn't agree that she made a fine bride. _

Sam's hands would run over her at times. Gentle. Like he wanted to say something but he never did. He would go take a shower or turn the topic to Lilith before he would say something that he would regret. Something that would label what he had with a demon.

_His hands would beat into her, his hands were never gentle. And to his hands she lost five children before she turned seventeen. She cried over each of them, she remembered that. As the blood ran from her. He would blame her for her inability to carry a child. Blame her that he had no sons. _

She and Sam never talked about after they killed Lilith. She knew what would happen of course. But she thought he might be avoiding the idea of having to decide if he even wanted what they had. Or perhaps it was more simple, it might just be that he couldn't bare the thought of living without his brother for that long.

_Ruby was only seventeen when Astaroth came to town. She gathered her coven and Ruby fell into it with a passion. It gave her power, and she swore not to be weak again. Ruby wasn't a fool, not like the rest of the coven. In less then a month she had figured out that the demon they worshipped was among them, and in less than two, she was Astaroth's favorite. They would catch moments together. She learned far more than the rest of the coven through her nighttime whispers. _

Sam no longer cared where power came from and that was useful to them both. She was a demon, she used witchcraft to find them demons to 'try to find Lilith' and unlike his brother he never made a stink. But it still surprised her when he asked her to show him how to make a hex bag.

_Her husband died of an illness. Hacked up his own lung, literally. People talked of witchcraft, but she played the mourning widow and they never looked at her. After that, there was nothing standing in the way of her and power. She learned Astaroth tricks. The way she turned a coven against each other to claim their souls. And she was the last of the coven left in the end. Astaroth whispered to her that she would fit right in when she got to hell._

It was a pattern they fell into easily. She could find a demon at least once a week. Afterwards they would go out to eat. She would order fries and he would watch her bite into the burning salt. Always trying to figure out why she caused herself pain. Never mind he never hesitated to cut her open for a drink.

_The Plague wasn't what killed her, but it was what killed everyone else. She watched not only her town die, but her world. She left that town after there was no one else she cared for left. Traveled around Europe a bit. Hopped on a boat and drowned in a storm. She was only twenty five when she died. Astaroth didn't bother to pretend she didn't arrange it. "I missed you, I couldn't wait any longer to have you." She said. _

She wasn't used to talking. Conversations went around in a circle. Ending with talk of Lilith or no talk at all. Her unable to give him information and him often as not, unable to care, they would end up on the bed. Sex was familiar to her, much more natural then talking.

_It didn't take long for her to turn, but then, no one really cared if she did or not. She wasn't meant to be anyone important. Astaroth still owned her soul, and Astaroth only wanted one thing from her. She spent a few hundred years with her. Until she was sold to Litith, Litith it seemed only wanted the same. But the infant eating, child wearing, demon's kinks hurt worse than most forms of torture. _

It was strange to watch Sam sleep. She would lay in bed for hours watching his slight movements. The rise and fall of his chest. The ficker of his eyes under his eyelids. She had spent so long in hell she had forgotten what sleep looked like. No one in hell slept. Even if it was possible, the screams would have made it impossible.

_She figured out from talking to the other demons she wasn't normal, they couldn't remember their human lives, she could. She still had remembered emotions they had long forgotten. As they hadn't cared if she was a proper demon or not when they were forging her, she wasn't. _

She wasn't sure if Sam noticed. Or if he even knew enough about demons to know the limits of their emotions, sure she had told him she was different. But when he was torturing them, did he think she was the same as them? Or did he see how different she was? She knew they never could see she wasn't like them.

_Litith finally told her what she wanted from her. Lucifer, their father that would set them free. They would live in paradise. Nothing would be torture, they wouldn't be hated. It was a dream, and Ruby saw she had nothing to lose, the worst that could come would be death. Didn't even that have to be better than Hell?_

She could see now that she was right. Lucifer had to be perfect. After all, Sam was the one that would free him. Sam was the one that would hold his glory. So Sam must only be a fraction of his light. And Sam…...Sam was the best she had ever known.

When she opened the door and saw Dean and Bobby. She was disappointed, she knew it meant it was over, whatever she and Sam had. She knew it meant it was time for the next stage of the plan. She told herself that Lucifer would be better than anything she had ever known. She told herself it so often, she believed it.


End file.
